A Battle With My Brain

I didn’t know whether or not to share in this aspect of my life, but decided after some thought, that it’s better to share and maybe help somebody else going through the same thing, much like I’ve done with my sons Autism journey.

So, I’m sure I’ve mentioned it before but since Matthew was born, I’ve found that I’m not quite so good at handling my emotions and keeping control of my mood. I have anxiety almost all the time and in particular I have quite severe separation anxiety when it comes to my boy.

My down days were becoming much more frequent than my up days and so after almost 2 years of feeling this way and not being able to fix it myself, I made an appointment with my GP and spoke to him about it.

To say I was nervous for my appointment would be an understatement.

I was literally shaking so hard my voice was trembling.

At the time I was so confused with the way my body was reacting, but on reflection I think it was more to do with admitting I had a problem, out loud, and to a stranger no less.

My doctor couldn’t have been more supportive.

Within ten minutes, and after asking me several questions, he diagnosed me with Anxiety disorder and P.T.S.D (from our time spend in the NICU with our son).

He acknowledged that I had tried to sort the problem myself, but agreed that it was time for some ‘medical intervention’ and so we discussed the idea of anti-depressants.

This was an idea that I wasn’t keen on, for no other reason than I didn’t want to have to rely on a pill to balance out my mood… As well as the fact that I didn’t actually feel depressed as such!

But after careful consideration and a lot of back and forth between he and I, we decided that it would be a good idea to at least try Β it.

My biggest problem is when I go to bed at night I can’t switch off from my life. It’s when my anxiety is at it’s worst, and so he prescribed me an anti-depressant that would help specifically with calming me down and letting my brain settle.

It’s been over 2 weeks and I’m not feeling too different yet, however after years of struggling to get to sleep, sometimes for hours at night, I have been able to fall asleep faster and for longer.

You will only understand this if you too suffer from stress-induced insomnia, but it is the most wonderful feeling in the world. I feel refreshed in the morning and much more awake throughout the day, and I now look forward to going to bed at night as opposed to dreading staring at the ceiling for hours with all my thoughts!

It’s still early days for all of the other issues I have, but I am ever so optimistic and will keep you posted.

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