Grief is a funny old thing isn’t it? 

This was a post I never intended on sharing, but I’m feeling a bit emotional today thinking about the direction our lives are going in and I thought it might feel therapeutic to write it down, so to speak.

Our lives have been sort of in the air for a while now with my husband’s grandmother being ill. I lost both my grans as a teenager and there are still days when I just cry uncontrollably because of how much I miss them. I get angry at myself for forgetting things about them, and often have to remind myself that it’s been 16 years or so since I last seen or spoke to them and so forgetting some things is inevitable.

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My Granny Rose with me as a baby.
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My Granny Kane with my sister on her Communion Day.

The difference between myself and my husband is that he was raised by his grandparents. His mum died young and so his grandparents are the parental figures in his life.

It was a difficult journey helping him overcome his mums passing. In fact overcome isn’t the best word to use. Do you ever really overcome that kind of loss? Getting to a stage of living with it… that’s a better term. He went through therapy and our lives were upside down for a long time, but we got through it.

Things feel different this time.

He has so much invested in his relationship with his grandparents. He has fond memories of Sunday dinners (as do i) with an enormous dining table filled with food. His grandpa shouting in the wings at his weekend football matches. Having them sitting next to him at the top table in our wedding. All special moments in a persons life.

I spent many weekends staying at theirs when Michael and I first started seeing each other and they couldn’t do enough for us when we eventually moved into our own home.

There’s a lot of precious memories and love resting on this relationship, and I worry greatly that if the worst happens and his grandmother passes away, that he won’t come back from it.

My saving grace is our son Matthew.

They have a father and son relationship like no other.

They understand each other and get each others little quirks (probably because they’re so similar), and I just hope that their love and bond is enough to keep Michael whole.

It’s a real worry.

As a wife, all I can do is be there for him and help where I can, but to lose two mother figures in such a short space of time is something I will never understand. My own mum is happy and healthy and God willing will be for a very long time!

I think all we can do now is pray to whatever God there may be that life is kind and merciful, and maybe hope for a miracle.

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Michael with his Grandma on her 50th Wedding Anniversary in 2010.
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